Most common characteristics of a perpetrator

The man who assaults his wife has, in general, a series of characteristics that differentiate him from those who do not, in each one there can be many, or simply some, of the attitudes that we expose here.

a) They tend to have less assertive skills. Their communication skills are limited, which leads to a lack of strategy to solve problems and conflicts. They also lack the skills to face the problems that may arise.

b) They may suffer from social isolation, finding it difficult to trust other people.

c) They have low self-esteem, which causes them great frustration. This frustration is what usually provokes their aggressiveness.

d) They tend to be impulsive and hostile, and emotionally unstable.

e) They may suffer from a great lack of self-confidence or, on the contrary, excessive security and confidence, which makes them believe they are superior to others.

f) They often suffer from dependency and other emotional disturbances.

g) Many of them feel a great need to dominate.

h) They tend to be sexist, jealous, possessive and excessively immature. They have excessively assumed the role of masculinity.

i) He is intolerant of women’s autonomy, which he usually hides under the appearance of being a great protector of them.

j) Uses violence as a form of control and reaffirmation. They firmly believe that exercising control over their partners makes them more “manly”, more “macho”. If their partner makes any gesture, comment or attitude that they consider may cause them a loss of authority or dignity, it will be punished with violence.

k) They are not only physical abusers, mistreatment also includes attitudes such as verbal abuse, threats, coercion, psychological manipulation, sexual abuse, and even control of the family’s economic resources. The aim of this is to lower the spouse’s self-esteem, control his or her autonomy and achieve his or her social isolation.

l) They are jealous and show, in many cases, serious possessive attitudes; many of them watch their wives, follow them, interrogate them, as well as their children or friends to know everything they do, or call them very often by phone, under the pretext of knowing how they are doing to always keep them under control.

m) Sometimes, although not always, the abuser was a victim of abuse in childhood or continues with the pattern of an abusive parent.

n) Sometimes we can find that the abuser gives a totally different image of himself outside the home, presenting himself as a pleasant person in the eyes of others, while it is his wife who appears as someone nervous and upset, since no one knows what happens inside the family home, which usually means that in the event of a complaint the aggressor is more likely to be believed than the wife.

o) Minimize or deny the violence. If a violent episode has occurred, for them, it is always the fault of their wife who provoked it or due to external causes. They never consider themselves responsible. The blame is always on others, so they tend to resist change, since they do not accept that they have any problem… the problem is always with others. They do not recognize that they need help… they blame women for marital problems.

p) Sometimes they tend to abuse substances such as alcohol and drugs, but we must not forget that this is not the reason for the abuse or aggression, it is just another excuse that it is external factors that make them violent.